A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, there are definitely many other uses for a welding helmet. A welding helmet is a very practical that should be found in every home. Here are just a few ways you might find yourself in need of a welding helmet:

1. You can’t find your bike helmet.
2. You lost your Darth Vader mask on the opening day of a Star Wars movie. A welding helmet is a good substitute; however, you will have to mimic the Darth Vader breathing noises yourself.
3. You do not know your science very well but you think it would be cool to make your own fireworks.
4. You are scared of identity theft.
5. You wear a welding helmet in hopes of attracting women, making it clear to them that you are manly and can fix things.
6. You want to reenact the opening credits from The Simpson’s and you are playing the part of Homer in the
nuclear power plant (in this case, you will also need a glow stick).
7. You think that cartoons are real and there is a possibility of an anvil dropping from the sky.
8. If people who look at you turn into stone then you might want to wear a welding helmet.
9. You want to give your kids a punishment they won’t forget and decide to make them wear the welding helmet to school for a week.
10. If you are scared of the sun giving you wrinkles or skin cancer, you could use a welding helmet to protect yourself from the sun’s harmful rays.
11. You have horrendously bad breath and/or forgot to put you makeup on.
12. You can’t find your sunglasses.
13. You are someone who always wants to be on top of fashion and thinks that welding helmets could be the new thing.
14. You are sick of relatives pinching your cheeks at family reunions.
15. You are a celebrity and you don’t want the paparazzi taking any pictures of you.
16. You are sick of shallow people falling for you because of your looks and want people to like you for your witty humor. Wearing a welding helmet would definitely be a way to see if that special someone likes you because of your personality.
17. You think that the end of the world is near and somehow a welding helmet will save you.
18. You want people to think that you are weird, have learning problems, or that you are half man and half machine.
19. You want to do your own rendition of Phantom of the Opera called Phantom of the Tool Shed.
20. You think that your partner in your science lab class secretly wants to destroy you.
21. You had an extremely bad haircut.
22. You think you are like Cyclops from X-Men and you have uncontrollable optic blasts from your eyes.
23. You want to scare little children. (Carrying a blow torch and laughing will also help you in this goal).
24. You don’t ever want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
25. And I guess you might possibly want a welding helmet if you think you will possibly be welding
something anytime soon.

These are just a few of the reasons that it is probably a good idea for you to wear a welding helmet. After you get your own welding helmet, I am sure that you will find this list to be very limited and you will find thousands of other uses for it.

About the Author

Kaitlin Carruth is a client account specialist with 10x Marketing - More Visitors. More Buyers. More Revenue. For more information about welding helmets, please visit Tool America.

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Do you think software is boring? Think again. Software companies have developed products that change your voice, make funny pictures and even predict your future. Curious? Read on.

AV Voice Changer (Avnex Ltd)

Browbeaten by bad chaps? Not allowed to play adult games? Want nobody to recognize your real identity? Now with AV Voice Changer Software, you not only can escape others’ threats but also do “haunt” them the other way round. Like a “ghost”, you can roam freely in voice chat rooms and online games. Being anonymous, you can play tricks on your buddies or, who knows, catch your hubby (or wife) in the act.

No matter they are male or female, young or old, you still can “catch” them with this online voice changer software. Now that you can disguise your voice, playing the role of a passionate gentle man, or a sexy chick, or a naughty teen gal is just as easy as apple pie.

How does this computer voice changer work? Thanks to its Pitch and Timbre table and Equalization settings, AV Voice Changer Software allows you to create unlimited number of pitch-timbre levels. Equalizer and Advanced Tuner can be adjusted accordingly to help normalize the new voice to make it more natural.

Free Download: http://www.deprice.com/avvoicechanger.htm

FantaMorph (Abrosoft)

FantaMorph is professional photo-animation software, and yes it’s also a valuable and sophisticated toy for personal entertainment. With Abrosoft FantaMorph, creating morphing movie has never been easier and faster! You can do everything a professional animation director does to create amazing images and animations. FantaMorph supports most image formats including BMP, JPEG, TIFF, PNG, GIF, TGA, PCX, and even professinal 32bit with alpha formats. Exporting to Image Sequence, AVI, Animated GIF, Flash, and other formats are supported. You can crop, rotate, flip and adjust source image, all with FantaMorph’s built-in tools, without having to go to any additional software. It’s just plain fun!

Free Download: http://www.deprice.com/abrosoftfantamorph.htm

CrazyTalk (Reallusion)

Your photos are brought to life in amazing animation by fitting them with CrazyTalk’s facial morphing technology. Sounds complicated, but CrazyTalk’s tools make animating any photo or image extremely easy. Simply match the 4 control points of inside the fitting wizard to the corresponding facial features of your photo. Once the fitting process is complete, CrazyTalk’s 3D expression morphing technology is able to apply unlimited expressions and gestures (such as smiling, frowning, crying and laughing) directly to the image.

CrazyTalk’s then gives a voice to your photos by allowing them to lipsync with audio recordings and spoken text messages. You can even record your own voice using the built-in audio recording function and your PC microphone. The automatic lipsync can be precisely refined using the CrazyTalk Media Studio Timeline editor allowing you easy access to each lip shape key-frame for custom editing control. Further edit audio once imported or recorded to the Timeline with the Audio Morphing Filter capable of disguising any voice or allowing you to fine tune the voice parameters for a perfect vocal. Once you start, you won’t be able to stop

Free Download: http://www.deprice.com/crazytalkhome.htm
About the Author

John Deprice collects weird, unusual, offbeat or funny software. His collection is available at http://www.deprice.com

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Have you ever got up and planned an important day only to find your hair will not cooperate at all? It just looks like crap? There is nothing you can do and everything you try makes it worse. So you just start all over and try it again? Still the same problem and the you look at the clock and say “oh well” I give up there is just nothing I can do, screw it. Yet in your mind you are worried because you do not look your best?

Perhaps hair number 1823 is slightly out of place and it is just ruining your whole day? What is someone suppose to do when your day is about to completely fall apart because your hair looks like a train wreck? Is there anything you can do? Yes, there is something and I have been observing people with bad hair days all my life, so here is my advice:

Shoot yourself you moron. My gosh what is your friggin problem your vanity is absurd; ” Bad hair day?” Yah, so what, that’s life you know. I tell you, if you cannot handle a bad hair day without slamming a bottle of Prozac or popping some anti-depressant type pharmaceutical drug, you really are not facing the reality of life on Earth and in which case you need to get a life. So just shoot yourself, get it over with and then in your next life maybe you will come back with perfect hair as a porcupine? Nice spikey and think and you will be well protected from predators and a bad hair day. You moron.

“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. But if you do, sleep in the bathtub …

If you are extremely drunk and swear you will never drink too much again, you will forget this when you are sober.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “Government.”

There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” If you don’t understand this, try putting up your own blog.

You’d better get all your sex here on earth because there won’t be any in heaven.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life. Or, work to life not live to work … but if you can’t follow this, email me your ladies phone number and I’ll keep her occupied while you are busy.

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. We all need something to laugh about…

Never lick a steak knife, or a frozen metal object. But, if you are dying of curiosity, go for it and get ready for some incredible fun.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. Next would be women’s talk shows…

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. Even if you don’t follow it, you’ll be back in sync with everybody eventually.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

I have nothing against the institution of marriage … I’m just not ready for an institution yet.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

A rich man’s joke is always funny.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails).

Always forgive your enemies. It will drive them nuts.

The trouble with being punctual is that usually, nobody is there to appreciate it.

Your friends love you anyway. But if you have none, I will be your friend for a small phenomenal fee…

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic, and politicians run our government.

You can see more of Jan Michaels musings or various and sundry humorous items at: Articles Heaven

Or, Free Heaven

Submitted with Article Distributor.

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Let’s face it Hell has gotten a bad wrap over the years. I mean, is it really all that bad to go to Hell? It’s not so much Hell that’s the problem. It’s the company that resides within confines of the Netherworld. Whether it’s the Dark Lord or some of his evil little Dominions causing a ruckus, it’s the company not so much the place.

Hell has fantastic scenery of glowing red that bounces off the ever flowing lake of fire that literally lights up the Hell-sky! This continuous flowing lake sends off the slightest roar of delicate thundering into the air. It’s a truly tranquil sound as it snakes its way throughout the hills and valleys of the Netherworld!

As the Flames lick the everlasting fiery night sky with snaps of joy, the air warms and becomes quite warm and pleasant. Therefore, there is no need for snow shovels & snow blowers in Hell

Another term for Hell is Bottomless Pit. This brings me to the aspect of the residents that call Hell their home. Hell is packed with its fair share of evilness. I mean let’s face it the Devil or Lucifer has not been known to be a good neighbor. Because the bottomless pit is, well, bottomless, there are plenty of places that one can go to settle down.

We don’t necessarily have to go to Hell and set up camp directly across from the thrown of Beelzebub himself, we can go miles away, somewhere more north even. It’s time we stand up and say “I’m not going to take it any longer! I want to live in Hell and no one is going to stop me, not even the Devil him self!”

9 out of 10 preachers disapprove this article (even though it was in good fun)…..okay, not really.

About the Author

Edward Kemper does not believe that everything in life should be taken very seriously, not even Hell. Life is short, enjoy it. www.hellestates.com

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I’ve had a hankering for fresh figs lately. What is surprising is that I have not thought about fresh figs for a long time. They have such a remarkable texture and taste. But where are they?

I have been to a number of supermarkets and asked the produce manager about figs. They looked at me as if I had asked when to expect the next big sale on rutabagas or how to prepare watercress. (I asked for watercress too. Same look).

I looked on the web to see if figs had become extinct. It seems not. They exist in California and Greece. Some sites offered to ship me some but I worry that they would be confiscated as possible bombs. Besides, who can depend on figs he can’t pick up and sniff?

I figured that supermarkets didn’t know what was good and virtuous so I went to health food stores that featured natural stuff. Same look. I was told that, not only did they not have figs, but that figs were not even on their inventory list to be ordered. They couldn’t get figs if they wanted them.

Some of the produce managers felt sorry for me and suggested fig Newton’s or dried figs. Oh, the infidels! Dried figs indeed! How sharper than a serpent’s tooth.

I have two fig trees on my patio, in pots. They have no intention of making figs. In fact, they have a hard enough time holding on to their leaves. I got them at Walmart so I guess I can’t expect them to be more than decorative. (Walmart friends, don’t be upset, I love Walmart; I just don’t think their garden offerings are in the same class as Johnny Appleseed).

So here I stand, figless. I don’t know where to turn. Honor will not permit me to resort to Newton’s or dried figs; one must live up to one’s code.

Jack Wilson is a fig lover suffering in Phoenix. http://www.geocities.com/galimatio/jackwilson.html

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At last the authorities have signed the necessary papers and the design firm of Feng Fu-Kung Shui can move forward with its monumental effort to bring Kung Fu to its room arrangements and Feng Shui to its sweaty mats at the dojo. The new art will be known formally as Feng Fu-Kung Shui-do.

Even The Great Mudge Poobah has approved, which is rather incidental since he is not Chinese. But he is welcome anyway as long as he comes alone.

There will be no IPO for at least seven years but private investors who have mastered either art are encouraged to discuss business.

Features of the new system include the Chrysanthemum Punch, the South-East Facing Pussy-Willow Slap and the Flip-Over-Toe-Hold Weisenheimer Gelatin Surprise. Mats, as you might well expect, will all be placed diagonally with an easy view of the doorway.

Uniforms and headbands will feature an indecipherable symbol created by Von Dutch in his next incarnation after a successful lifetime striping hogs. The silk-screening will be done individually by eleven virgins of the Eternal Realm of the Elegant Moonpie. In silence, of course. With nunchucks holstered.

All corners and angles of the dojo will be swept of gremlins, dragons and dust-bunnies. Opening night will take place on the inverted solstice of the eleventh moon of the nocturnal transmission of The August Fire Dog. Guests will be asked to remove their shoes and garters at the door.

Wood, fire, earth, metal and water will be served at 7 p.m. followed by an impromptu dragon wiggle. Children and dogs permitted, but no Irish. If you would like to receive our weekly newsletter, please sign up at the door. Donations welcome.

Peace.

Jack Wilson is a writer and artist from Los Angeles and Phoenix. http://www.geocities.com/galimatio/jackwilson.html

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Well it appears that the corruption in Congress is so pervasive that the real problem now is not only getting rid of all the maggots and flies, but all the crap too. It appears that the Blob of Bureaucracy has turned OUR government into a business for sale to the highest bidder and the mere citizens who supposedly own it cannot even get a word in edge wise to your elected representatives and are not allowed to talk to any Senator or Congressmen who is not in the district we live.

But anyone with cash or any unethical businessperson can see any of these flies in the blob of bureaucracy at will. So here is the problem we need to abate this problem, right? Well, then lets reduce the side of the mother load of crap that the blob of bureaucracy represents, then there will be no where for the flies to lay their larva to turn into more maggots stealing the system blind.

Now then a business man or woman whether small business, medium size or multi-national conglomerate ought to be able to talk to their government, darn straight, just like any citizen ought to be able to. After all the businesses have helped us build this nation and they employ the people and the citizens, well heck we own the government remember? Lets clean house and get rid of all this crap already? Consider this in 2006.

“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/

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There you are, talking to someone, who, you assume, is intelligent. Then, quite unexpectedly, he or she says something that makes you realize that, like it or not, you’re talking to an ass.

Now, a researcher believes he has accounted for the sudden turn of events. In an article in the prestigious New England Journal of Medical Hot Flashes, he explains that he at first intuited the probability of the upper body’s rotational capability and then did a study that involved observing people in an MRI while they talked.

He discovered that when a person says something really stupid, his or her body does, in fact, suddenly rotate on the hips, so that the butt faces up.

He is currently doing a follow-up study to determine if the same people, upon recognizing the idiocy of their ways and apologizing for the dumb comment, can rotate back to the position he refers to as heads up.

Tom Attea, creator of Newslaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”

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At Houston Airport, following an almost four-hour flight from Oakland and several containers of consumed liquid, nature made its urgent call. While lined up with a number of gentlemen facing similar distress, the fire alarm along with recorded commands went off ordering everyone to evacuate the building immediately due to a fire within the area. Well, you might imagine the thoughts that pass through one’s mind when caught in such a delicate position. Glancing at some of my newfound partners, I noticed some increased urgency to complete business and move out. Besides, the lavatory was not a place I wanted to end my life journey. If you have ever heard an emergency fire alarm go off with the calm recorded voice saying basically, “Get out of there!” accompanied by the background siren piercing your ears, you understand how unsettling the experience can be.

Imagine my surprise upon exiting the lavatory to see everyone calmly ignoring the impending doom. Though I looked for an exit to head toward, no one else seemed the least bit inclined to follow. Surmising that if the airport personnel were going about their regular duties, then the alarm must be false, so I headed toward the next gate and the departing flight to Columbus. When I passed TSA screening and people were still placing belts and shoes in the trays, my assessment was confirmed. Finally, the alarm shut off. Blessed peace! Later, I found out that due to heavy airport construction, the alarm was often accidentally triggered. I only wish I had known that 20 minutes earlier as I stood in the lineup contemplating a less than noble end.

Bob Casey is a poet, writer, educator, speaker, and presenter. He has cycled, hiked, sailed, and traveled to many far off destinations. He also spent a year on a teaching Fulbright in New Zealand. His many interests, include yoga, Tai Chi, skiing, cycling, photography, and wine collecting. “Poet Bob,” as his car license plate declares, is currently president of the Ohio Poetry Association. This position allows him to interact with some of America’s best poets. His first book, The Wanderer: A Poetical Journey published in 2002, focused on his around the world trip and the insights gained. His most recent book, Wisdom from the Journey, offers a diverse selection of poems, comments, vignettes, and recommendations complied from the “best” of his monthly e-zine, the Poetical Journal, which reaches over 13,000 subscribers worldwide. As one reader states, “…In a world of discontent, malice, greed and wars, the Poetical Journal is an oasis to nourish the soul.” His next book will be out late in 2006. To read more of his work, go to http://www.poeticaljourneys.com.

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